It hit me not too long ago.
I’m not a stay-at-home-mom anymore.
I went back to work in August after being home for almost 10 years. I left my job at my parents’ jewelry store after Charlie was born and took a lot of time off after he died. I returned to work for about 6 months before Henry was born and then “retired.”
I figured I’d never work outside the home again.
There were a few little paying (and non-paying) gigs that I did from home, giving me a little “funny money” for things that I wanted to treat myself to. But my husband was the breadwinner in the house. I was the housewife. I liked it that way.
But then a job came to find me. It came at a time when I wasn’t looking, but it was what we needed. My husband had left his job (but was working on his own) and we were sitting benefit less which is, let me tell you, a scary place to be.
It was exciting going back to work.
Henry was thrilled about going to an after school program. Jason was glad to have the house to himself to work in peace. And I was ecstatic about adult interaction!
Life was awesomely chaotic!
But then it hit me and I know exactly when.
The week of Halloween, I realized I was no longer a homemaker. I realized I couldn’t pick up and do the things I was used to doing for my son at the drop of the hat.
Halloween week there was a party at school, trick or treating (that I left work early for), and then Henry’s birthday.
I wasn’t there to take cupcakes to my son’s school for his birthday and this made me extremely sad.
Jason works from home so he’s able to do things, like take cupcakes to school, that he hasn’t been able to do before, but it still broke my heart to realize I couldn’t do those things all the time.
I’m extremely grateful for my job and I’m REALLY enjoying it. The benefits outweigh the moments like this where I think I’m missing out on things, but it doesn’t take away the sting of realizing I’m missing little bits of Henry’s childhood.
I’m no longer a stay-at-home-mom. I’m a working mom. And probably better for it.
An Auburn football fanatic and bourbon lover, Jana Anthoine is a true Southern Belle who thinks writing is so much better for her soul than paying a therapist. After the death of her first son in 2003, she opened up her heart to help others who are grieving and to advocate for Group B Strep awareness, with her husband and son as her biggest supporters. Jana writes about life, loss, and laughter at jana’s thinking place. You can find her on twitter @jana0926
Having never been a homemaker/stay-at-home-mom (out of necessity, not choice), yours was a really interesting perspective. I think many of us (especially working moms) tend to think the grass is greener for SAHMs, and seldom reflect on how our being working moms can be beneficial too!
I think both grasses are green if you fertilize and tend to them
Dana, I am in transition between SAHM and re-launching my career. Now that I am working full time, I have seen my daughters change in many ways. I loved being a SAHM, but my children are now growing in new ways because we are on the other side of the fence. I am starting to see the benefit of my children growing into more resilient and independent girls. Just tonight, for an example: My husband told my 6 year old to go tell Mommy to get her something. My daughter took charge of the situation and found solutions for herself. Mommy smiled.
I have been home for almost 9 years. My youngest will be in school full time next year. I feel like I’ll be experiencing the same thing soon…
It’s been a rewarding move.
Yeah, I can totally see how it would be sad to miss the prep and daily excitement for schoolyear festivities (of which there are MANY…) but you’re doing the right thing for you! Until you decide you’re not! Rinse and repeat.
We’re exactly doing the right thing… thank you!
Congratulations on taking a leap and finding the positive in such a huge change. I’ve gone the opposite direction and definitely miss some of the wonderful aspects of working outside of the home!
Thank you. congratulations to you as well!
I have made the opposite switch recently working from home(starting my own business), and we are discussing pulling my son out of daycare to save money. While I love also being able to be there for things, without rushing across town and worrying about being late, it has been a transition. I am hoping business picks up soon because I don’t know how the two of us will do home all day together. Congratulations on your new endeavor (I do miss adult interaction). Thanks for sharing.
Thank you!
Jana, I worked part time until July. While I still work from home one day a week, it’s been such an ADJUSTMENT. So much of this sounds familiar to me. No benefits. Being grateful and happy and regretful and mad all at the same time … It’s so very hard, this mothering gig. I’m glad not to be in it alone!
Thank you. I’m glad to not be in it alone, too!
P.S. Um. I meant to make it clear that I now work full time. (From home one day!)
You are all fabulous women and doing your best. Let’s continue to support eachother regardless of our choices. Motherhood is so wonderful but also difficult sometimes.
Take good care